GENDERED MONEY: How Money Works Differently for Men & Women in Patriarchal-Capitalist Arrangements.

📷: NAWAA.

"As a woman, the system is actively designed to ensure that your money works less for you"

This is not conspiracy, neither is it an alarmist view. It us something that, as you continue to read, you'll realise you've encountered same yourself you without realising it!

It has been studied by economists for years. Money, just like everything in a patriarchal set up is deeply, DEEPLY gendered. Money in the hands of men is different from money in the hands of women!

The way money works for men is different from the way money works for women and it is important for you to know this or your financial freedom and property rights as a woman is not guaranteed!

The Gender of finances.

Some ways in which money works differently for men and women are?

✅1. Gendered billable hours: This is often times one of the first manifestations of gendered money. By reason of women's traditional domestic functions as home keepers and child rearers (which is in itself a full time job), women already have lesser time spent on making money which means reduced earning powers. 

In Nigeria, it is not usual for a man to ask his wife to quit her white collar job and be 'self employed' which basically means that she now has the free time to go to work any time because of her domestic functions. This means a woman's job as a wife and mother reduces or even ends her billable hours in the case of Stay-at Home Mothers. 

An April 2023 Pew Research report, women complete on average 4.6 hours of housework as compared to 1.9 hours for men. Where both spouses share the same earning power, women take on 6.9 hours of household chores vs. 5.1 hours for men. This disparity obviously and significantly reduces women’s availability and ability to dedicate time to financial education and growth'.

And this is not just a personal thing. Corporations are aware of this. This is why some corporation have no problem hiring a husband but would have issues hiring a wife or mother. 

In fact, men earn significantly more when they marry or have kids in what is called paternity bonus which is a belief that married men are more competent, reliable and deserving of pay and promotion because they need it). Women on the other hand, our earning power takes a nose dive the moment they marry and it dives further below with each kid they have  have kids in what is called maternal penalty which is a belief that mothers will dedicate less time to work because of their domestic responsibilities.

Hence, the very act of making money in itself is deeply gendered. Time is money and that time women should spend making money, it is spent on unpaid work.

✅2. Control versus freedom: Money gives men control over women, money gives women control over themselves!

Some years back, I think 7 years ago my elder brother and I were discussing and he read a short meme that said "when men have money, they chase after more women, when women have money, they think they no longer need men"

The answer to this is very simple- money works differently for men and women in a patriarchal set up. 

Our mother's couldn't run away from their abusive husbands because they could not get a credit card, they could not open an account unless he co-signs, they could not get a job unless her husband acts as reference, they could not travel without their husband's consent letter. This is the principal reason why women fought tenaciously for right to paid labour. If was all about right to freedom, right to autonomy, because he who pays the piper dictates the tune, he who bankrolls you controls you, he who feeds you can also starve you.

So while money buy men control over women, money allows women to buy back that control.

In a patriarchal-capitalist system as yours, money is empowerment, money is freedom, money is regaining control from men.

✅3. Systemic control versus freedom: Another aspect of freedom money gives women is class freedom. When you understand intersectionality of oppression, this makes sense. 

Women's oppression intersects with class oppression. For instance, all women are at risk of GBVs like rape, battery, femicide etc, however, there are some GBVs that occurs along class lines like child marriage, girl child illiteracy, FGM etc. These are GBVs where women of lower income are overwhelmingly represented. In such a situation, we can say that class has intersected with female oppression to make the condition of poorer women worst.

So money does not only buy women freedom from men, it also buys partial freedom from from sexist system because with her class privileges, she can now navigate gender oppression more favourably. She can live in a safer environment where her chances of rape is reduced, she can leave her abusive husband and get security.

Another aspect of system control is this- women are constantly paying tax to the patriarchy whether you like it or not. 

In fact, this is the reason why even in situations where women earn as much as men, they still save less because we are unknowingly tackling systemic inequalities! 

Imagine giving a man and a woman $1000 each to go on a short vacation.While the man simply pays for a hotel room, the woman has to pay for her hotel room, a ring to pretend that she's married, a hair pin, door hedge to avoid the room being broken into, pepper spray, enroll for karate lessons, CCTV etc.  She has to take extra precautions that he takes for granted.

In fact, in some countries, men have made it a job to act as travel companions for solo female travellers so such women can be safe because they are often targeted. The mere presence of a man by her side keeps her safe. Male solo travelers do not have to do such.

All these monies spent towards 'being safe' are monies that could have been used towards more profitable ventures. Whether you like it or not, as woman, you're paying dearly to rectify and navigate through a world not designed for you. Unfortunately, this payment made to the Patriarchy is temporary protection and has to be renewed every time. 

You might earn as much as a man but you're paying for things he doesn't need to pay for which has invariably diminishes your investments power.

This means that $1000 holds different value in the hands of a man versus a women. 

This also means that in a Patriarchal society, a woman needs more more money to be financially at per with men!

And this is just on safety alone, we are not talking about hygiene products that are taxed by government as luxuries, we are not talking about beauty products that have been marketed to women by creating unrealistic beauty standards.

📷: Facebook.

✅4. Domestic responsibilities: The biggest lie sold to women is that men are providers because it has never been so. Men actually assist women who are the actual providers. 

Girls and Women spend up to 90% of their earned income on their families, while men spend only 30-40. (UNAC, 2012).

This is not something we need stats for, we see it all around us!

Husbands and fathers are more likely to travel, catch up with friends every Friday evening and weekends for a beer, chase/marry more women, have children outside wedlock, spend their earnings on investments, business and land buying etc. All these PERSONAL VENTURES require finances that depletes family income. This mens smen tend to spend family income on personal endeavours as opposed to women who spend more on food, children's school fees, medication, clothing, extended family. 

Women's money actually work for the family as a whole while men's money tend to work for them as individuals. And this women do while earning considerably less than their husbands.

Studies shows that Female farmers having the same access to resources as men = 150 million fewer hungry people (FAO, 2011) which further buttress the point that women's money tend to go round while that of men tend to stay with them or expended towards things that are personal to them like Friday night out, extramarital relationships, personal business & projects, etc.

And to point out the depth of how this affects women, working women aged 60 are less likely to retire than men aged 60 because of lack of savings. This boils down to the fact that women are more likely to spend the bulk of their earnings on the family as opposed to personal investments, fun and savings. 

When people say "Empower a woman empower a nation", or "What a woman can do, a woman can do better" they are not just cheap skates to titillate women, they are grounded in reality. Children growing up to choose their mothers is not because they are women but because they actually poured and poured into everyone else but themsleves. 

I am not celebrating or glorifying this dynamics, I want it to change, I want women to be able to retire and rest, I want women to have more billable hours, I want women to be with men who contribute their quota domestically not praise their wives for enduring, and the way to change this is to recognise it is a problem and actively work towards changing it.

So while mens money tend to be individually-focused, women's money tend to be communally-focused 

✅5. A Poor man who marry woman: I've heard people say "marriage is a poverty alleviation scheme for women" which is beyond laughable because it shows how little women's domestic contribution is being rated.

A married poor man is a man living above his means. Chinenye Nweke said:-

"If you're unable to pay a chef to cook for one month because you can't afford it, what it means is that the person cooking your food for free is providing you a lifestyle that you ordinarily cannot afford. Her free labour has you living above your means"

The only duty the Patriarchy placed on mens head is provision and protection to which they are dialing woefully. Even at that, men have abdicated that role. They boast about not wanting a financial liability, yet have no qualms being domestic liabilities towards their wives. 

So if a woman shoulders the bulk of domestic labour yet still provides financially, what then is his value? Shouldn't he shoulder his portion domestically also?

✅6. Gender Pay Gap (GPG): Sometimes back, I spoke about how an organisation specifically asked to a female lawyer and it all boils down to the fact they thought women will charge less than men. 

There are many documented cases of companies specifically hiring women for the sole purpose of charging less.

The system deliberately cripples women financially. I've heard people try to justify GPG by saying that it happens because women take time off during child birth but that is not true. It is gender pay gap not marital pay gap, not maternal pay gap.

GPG exists in general, mindless of whether she is married or childfree, however, this existing gap widens with age, marriage and childbirth.

Women (white women) earn 81-89 cents for every dollar man makes. Note that this figure is smaller for women of colour, Hispanics, immigrants and other minority. 

This is why I greatly frown at the idea of women going 50/50 with men financially because you're already losing to the system. People think it's because I want the benefit of equality without the responsibility but that's not true. The system gives men a push that you don't have as a woman. Trying to play equally on an unleveled playing field is nothing but foolery.

✅7. The pink tax: The pink tax refers to a system where women are ordinarily charged more than men for the same product.

📷: LinkedIn.

Like we see in the image above, this is a 3 in one shaving stick sold by the same company. However, the blue product worth $4.99 is marketed to men while the pink product worth $5.39 is marketed to women! Both products are functionally the same!

It might look like 1 dollar difference but it costs more. Research by California Senate committees in 2020 revealed that women pay an average of about $2,381 more annually for the same goods and services than men. Over a lifetime, this could accumulate to around $188,000 in pink tax. Imagine what could be done with that money?

Even more, women pay 4% more per unit for goods across the entire retail grocery consumption basket, with a 15% higher average per unit price paid by women on explicitly gendered products like personal care items.

A common example is in body washes and shampoo. Shampoo marketed to men is simply 3 or 5 in one, but for women, they split it into 5 different products so you have to pay for all 5 bottles for something that a simple one bottle can do for men. 

Sometimes we wonder why men look fresher even when they use just one product and that's because the active ingredients in all that 5 bottles you pay for are poured into one single bottle and marketed to men at a lower price. The moment it is marketed for women, it is split into multiple bottles, the bottle design is made to look cute and pink,  the prices shoot up. 

Since I became aware of this, I have decided to go for male products because they are FUNCTIONALLY THE SAME, the only difference is in the colour, design and exorbitant price you pay for. 

Patricia Banks went viral some times back for starting a women's mechanic shop because women are generally charged more for simple mechanical issues with their cars. Things that might simply require oil change, they get charged a whole lot.

Less than 2 months back, I wanted to buy a laptop so I contacted a friend of mine who is tech savvy to help me pick one that would serve for the jobs. 

We checked online and she told me specifically not to buy what she called 'womens laptop'. I didn't even know that was a thing. They looked sleek and beautiful and, as you can expect, cost a lot more.

 Interestingly, they were enormous as durable as 'men's laptop' and they were were less functionally efficient because a number of them were not designed for 'serious' works like coding. Yet they cost a lot.

Same applies to automobile and gadgets specifically marketed to women. Often times they are beautiful but less functional, and cost significantly more.

Have we even talked about the fact that sanitary pads are taxed as if they are luxury goods, while governments in many countries are handing out free or subsidised Viagra to men to who can't get it up?

Areas where women are usually charged more than men are- hygiene products, clothings, utensils, children's toys, services in general. For haircuts, Women often pay 60% more than men for haircuts, even when the actual time and skill required might be similar.

The first time I noticed this pattern was when I entered a salon and I saw the price list for hair cut. Children cost the most, then women, then men. This applies even to women already on low cut. And if didn't occur to me that it is the pink tax!

The same system that is averse to paying women at per with men is dedicated to ripping us of the little we have. 

Women are punished for simply being women even though we are paid less than men for the same job?

If you're wondering, the patriarchal-capitalist system is designed to ensure that your money works less for you as a woman. 

✅⁸. Intrinsic versus extrinsic value: This is a very, very important aspect of gendered money which is why I saved it for the last.

Boys are allowed to raise themsleves while their sisters are raised under the watchful thumb of their parents. Girls are taught to cook, be nice, feminine, temperate, agreeable. In essence, girls are taught Intrinsic value such that even a poor woman with no job can be of immerse value to her husband because of her domestic contribution in the area of unpaid labour, child rearing and elder care.

On the other hand, boys are taught to embrace extrinsic value (earn money). They they taught they can plaster their money over their failings, they can use money to compensate for their Intrinsic behavioural flaws.

In a Patriarchal society, while money rises a man up the social ladder, for a woman, money does not actually work for her that way because the presence of her wealth is often interpreted to mean that she is failing in other feminine virtues like being a home rearer, sleeping her way to the top, unsubmissiveness etc.

Interestingly, many women exhibit these dynamics without even knowing that they are. Here are some examples:-

Folorunsho Alakija, one time richest woman in Africa went online to tell the whole world that she still washes her husband's boxers.

The first female president of East Africa went on air to tell women to still kneel before their husbands. 

We have seen women refuse to buy cars so as not to chase away potential suitors. We have seen wives but houses in their husband's name in other to look humble and domesticated.

We have seen women come online unprovoked to explain to the world that they didn't sleep their way to the top, they work for their money.

We have heard men say they can't marry career-oriented women because it shows she is not domesticated

Recently Veekee James,  a very wealthy fashion designer went on air to tell women to still perform their sexual duty towards their husbands no matter the exhaustion, even if it means just lying still while he fucks them.

Toyosi, Actor Etim's wife came only to praise her husband for 'allowing her to fly' and not being intimidated by her career. 

DJ Cuppy who has being virtue signalling to be picked for the longest time took a picture of herself sitting on a washing machine where she branded herself as wife material, this was after she made a public show out of giving her life to Christ.

 What all these examples I listed above is telling us is that women are consciously or unconsciously aware that in a patriarchal society, our wealth takes away from our femininity so they try to overcompensate by proving to the world that they have not allowed their money to get in their head. 

Unlike a man to whom money makes him desirable, our money makes us undesirable or attract the kind of men who what's to rob us of it.

This is because our Patriarchal society privileged women's Intrinsic value- agreeable, likeability, domesticated, calm, reserved, chaste while it values men's extrinsic value- big house, nice cars, watch, fine women, finer women, faster cars.

So long as he has money, he can plaster that money over his failings, he can beat his wife so long as she cries in a Ferrari, he can cheat and then apologise with plenty of gifts. 

While money raises men men up the social ladder and widens their dating pool, for women money also raises us up the social ladder but effectively shrinks our dating pool with each dollar we earns and each certificate she acquires

We've heard women been discouraged from getting yet another degree by being told "your certificate wouldn't keep you warm at night".

The summary of this intrinsic versus extrinsic value is that, in a patriarchal arrangement, money makes a woman threatening and undesirable while it makes men endearing and desirable. 

Her financial wealth as a dent to her femininity while a man's finances increases his value. 

It's also the reason why an abusive rich man cannot phantom why a woman will leave him because he's been raised to believe that his money covereth all sins.

Now this is not me saying you should drift with the patriarchal tide and hide your earnings but for us to recognise a problem because the first steps to addressing an issue is recognising and naming it.

 

Why this write up?

This knowledge should help you in making better financial decisions and life choices.

1. When a man says "take care of the feeding while I take care of investments 'for the family" you tell him no. Everyone should contribute a portion of their income to running the family. To get a better idea of what I'm saying here, read this on women's property right in Nigeria.

2. When a man tells you to go 50/50 without him going 50/50 domestically, or a man who earns who earns significantly more than telling you to go 50/50, you reject the arrangements. Read same article above where I provided a more equitable alternative to 50/50 arrangements.

3. When you are told that gender equality has been achieved and we live in a post feminist world because women now get paid for work done, you know how to answer them.

4. When next you see gendered products on the shelf, you're best equipped to make decisions on which one to go for that will  save you more money.

Personally I advise women to try using men's hygiene product just once, then decide whether to continue with it or not because often times, they are functionally the same with the same 5 different bottles you're buying. Try it first!

5. When you're told that just because you earn same as a particular man, your money works the same way, you tell them no and enlighten them on how women lose millions to the system through gender pay gap, gendered product (pink tax), intrinsic and extrinsic value.

6. Understanding how the system works allows you to be better self advocate, know how to navigate the system, and advocate for reforms when you're in position of power. 

Thank you for spending time to read through. I hope some days, you get to read my work in a better, more equitable world.  😘😘.

Your comments and shares are highly treasure by us 😻 😻. Any topic you want us to talk about, kindly comment.

                            - Dogo Joy Njeb Esq.

DOGO JOY NJEB Esq is a practicing lawyer and founder of SheResonance Awareness. She has worked with Legal Aid Council Nigeria and is a member of Federation of Female lawyers on Nigeria where she renders pro bono services to indigent persons. She is a private practitioner, a writer and an aspiring author. For any questions, contact her on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, tiktok, x, or send a mail to sheresonance@gmail.com

SheResonance is focused on grassroot activism. We lend our voices to women whose voices are stifled. We break down complex issues of GBV into easily digestible form from a legal perspective. At SheResonance we practices intersectional feminism. If one women is in chains, for her sake the fight should continue. Every story deserves to be heard!

For fun I also do k-drama review on my Facebook page K-DRAMA UNFILTERED we can bond over shared interests.